inspired by ryan adams "the shadowlands."
until recently, i have never been capable of feeling. i existed, but i never felt. i never felt with intent or passion. i used to pray constantly for feeling. for a lack of the numbness which i never felt.
until recently, i have been capable of love. of love full and reckless. [i have loved recklessly.] i have been able to love without abandonment. without boundaries.
however. i cannot fuse the two.
i can now feel. and i can now not love.
i feel fully. i feel deeply and intensely. i feel wholly. and i love nothing. no one.
oh how i can feel! god what i could feel with this! what i can feel...what i do feel!
yet i cannot love now.
god please bring the rain.
please let me love now.
yah bring it soon.
i feel now!
let it flood right through the houses.
please god let me love with this.
into judy's room.
i can love with this.
most people never find the love.
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