inspired by semi-sleep sleeping thoughts.
im trying to think of the best way to begin this. i suppose i'll start like this. . .when i was younger, i used to have these absolutely absurd dreams. the object in my dreams, that i remember vividly, was popcorn, but it varied from night to night, nap to nap. yet, popcorn is certainly one i recall. well, in this dream, with this popcorn, i was terrified. i have never been able to pinpoint exactly which, but the popcorn was either too large for me to grab a hold of because i could only touch a small portion, or it was either drastically smaller and i was the gigantic one. no matter how many times i had these dreams, i would wake up screaming. one day in particular, i remember dene [my mom's fiancee at the time] came running upstairs to wake me because i was yelling for my mom. i was yelling for my mom all because of this popcorn kernal that was not equal in size to me [in whatever way].
i don't have those dreams often anymore, but sometimes, if i'm in the right state of mind, right before i go to sleep...i begin to feel overwhelmed by this change in perspective. this 'not being able to hold the popcorn properly' sort of feeling. but now, the scenery has changed. in my more recent semi-sleep dreams, im acres away from anyone. im lying in a field the size of ten football fields, sinking into the ground, and no one is around. but im so happy. laying in my bed, i feel the walls melt away, the ceiling....chaucer--my bear--and im just there. everything is entirely out of perspective, but im not scared at all anymore, im just safe.
if that makes any sense at all.
la di da.
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3 comments:
soo good. this is great because i feel this way every day which is probably a really sad thing but i know what you mean. la di da. p.s. i love that you've written 3 things in the past week after a 2 month hiatus.
makes sense to me.
you just fired some synapses in my brain that made me feel freakin' weird.
its one of those intensely personal experiences because it is literally impossible to experience with another person. like pushing your eyelids in so hard that you see purple flying shapes like a time warp.
well, you just brought one of those to my mind that i almost totally had forgotten that i ever feel. we should talk about it sometime.
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