my second cousin? her name is devin.

so i realized a fault in my last post. and that fault was exposed because yesterday, ye olde january seventh, i found myself absolutely crying with fear.
i was paralyzed by the fact that i fear i am never going to succeed. that i do not love myself enough to succeed. so prior to thus, i stated that my new years resolution would be "no more doubt"..."to stop poisoning myself."


well ho ho dear reader. that is not a good resolution. it is, of course, a fine resolution and a resolution none the less, but it does not help me. it does not help because every time i find myself poisoning myself or doubting myself...i am going to cripple myself by beating myself up and saying such things as "that is against your new years resolution"...."way to break your new years resolution"...."you are not succeeding at your new years resolution, thus you are not succeeding in life and you never will...you worthless bimbo."
and that just doesn't get us anywhere. now does it?

yep...you guessed it. it doesn't.

at all.
and probably five steps back since we are keeping track. [judge away like-minded fellow blogger].


so! an addendum to my prior post is going to be my NEWLY RESOLVED NEW YEARS RESOLUTION!
yep. its a new concept. its gonna be big around 2013.
watch for it.


and dont say i didn't tell you.

[cause i did].

back on topic: newly resolved new years resolution for 2011 [going to be a smash hit by 2013] is:
love myself.

sounds simple right?

no.
definitely no. 
positively no.
decidedly no.
[thanks don o'connor]

i have decided to give more to myself. and to express myself more. love myself more.
not be so hard on myself. and let myself succeed.

make a wish. it will come true.
make a wish out loud.

"i learn and relearn that silence doesn't protect me. an unexpressed life is very painful to myself and those I love. don't love halfway. i am learning that loving all the way can ache and sting, but loving halfway doesn’t keep me safe. it leaves me with sadness and a hope that could never live outloud."
      ~sabrina ward harrison [thanks paintyhands]