okay. so ive been back from madrid for...let's say two weeks.
and in those two weeks, i have been relentlessly in pursuit of a job. i have filled out applications, i have googled, i have bing-ed. shoo, ive even craigslisted [and that got me places no one needs to go].
so here i am. mid-week. hump day, if you will. sitting on my couch on my laptop. looking for something. i going to be a secretary. im going to quilt. im going to get an acting internship.
yah well, not right now.
and i got angst. like whoa. okay, my brain knows that my life is not measured by these two docile weeks or the ones that are probably going to come. but i am measuring it...my heart is measuring it. blahhhhhhhh......
and i am tired of having emotional breakdowns and feeling sad. looking back over things i write and jot down, i am always tired of this...but it this is it. it. done.
futhermore, i feel that because i am not doing anything productive RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT...i am in turn not productive. i should have moved to nyc. i should have had this moment planned two years ago.
well i didnt.
thus, i am disappointing. i am never going to be creative or successful. i feel that in this moment [graduating, moving on, etc.] i should be the most energetic and focused i have ever been...and well....i aint.
i am just going to blog this stuff away. so be ready for it. like whoa.
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2 comments:
You're right! You do understand! And I understand! You aren't alone girlfriend! I took a 3 hour nap today to avoid thinking of these things. I'm a hot mess and it's ok! You will be brilliant. You already are!
Heather, it's summer!
Stop freaking out. You can do nothing and it be everything. Realize the days you're doing nothing, you're learning. And soaking up amazing weather.
Just read and write like you're doing. Play with your cats. They've probably missed you.
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